Rock Skating

It is totally different. From amateur competition. From exhibitions. From anything.

None of you has any training for this.

Can you knock out three triple axels in a row and do spirals that would make Alexei Yagudin blink?

Can you handle diametrically opposite-color sequins right next to each other?

Do you have Elvis-perfect edges?

Then stay on the cutesy stuff. You're not ready.

It is a different world out there.

Focus on a vicious backbend back inner spiral. Most Top 40 requires it.

Be able to do a "Midori axel" in your sleep. Most rap begs for it.

Footwork section 6-8 feet long with 1-2 per second steps (aim for 3). Most "new folk" (aka alternative) demands it.

Under any lighting conditions and miss the boards.

You're fine.

Attitude does not do it anymore. Madonna has recorded something besides "Material Girl."

Get a brushup lookover from Doug Leigh if you can. He coaches hard jumps.

And, goddammit, get that footwork moving!

The amateurs have to be a training school for the pros. There is no other way.

Everybody. "Men in Black!"