Jeffrey. He's Gone.

What do I do?

Continue to cry it out.

How do I handle this?

All the years of darkness and nightmares -- now I finally find out what's behind them.

Oh God....Jeffrey...I never knew you...and now you're gone.

And I get these disturbing images of you talking to me even though I know you've gone on and all contact has been cut off.

Oh my God, Jeffrey, what have we lost? I was literally not allowed to remember you through those horrible five years when you kept trying to contact you're gone, you don't even remember me any do I handle this?

This is the toughest thing I have ever had to handle in my life.

It really is.

It's over. This is worse than Neal. It really is. It's worse than the rape. It's worse than anything.

Now I know how I made it through that horrible senior year. You were gone. I had done it. Anything was possible.

Thank you, Jeffrey.

You gave up so much more than you received....I'm not used to that. I'm used to being the one giving.

But you always knew I needed it...and it was so easy for you....