Something Must Be Done.



An emergency has come up. A regular visitor to the board has begged for help writing some horrible essay for a literature class. The professor actually had the nerve to assign a topic on Mary Shelley's Frankenstein as being a novel about incest between the father (Frankenstein) and the daughter (the monster). Such politically-correct, thoughtless hounds of our modern age deserve exactly what they get.

To wit:

(Ahem.)

The Frankenstein Essay from Hell




If I were her, I would have run too. (Note that I am writing this essay without proper references in front of me and with only a memory of what was actually said or done. Most profs don't remember anyway. It can be done at 6 AM, guys.) Poor thing....daddy took the power fantasies too far. What must life have been like? Do this, do that, tote that barge, lift that lab beaker...probably didn't even let her go to school. Kept her home to serve his wicked ways. And when wifey gave up and ran off....oh, the aftermath is just too much to think about.

I'd've disguised myself as a boy and run for the wilderness too. Poor thing....grab a couple of credit cards, a book or two for the rough times without anybody to talk to, and head on out. Cool beans.

At least the kid got an education....probably grabbed books off the shelf...listen to that educated tone. Probably puts her miles ahead of the public schools in the district...

We must all weep for this child. It happens too often. It's not funny, guys! It's just not funny!

We laugh when we watch the "scream scene" in Young Frankenstein (even the title is a give-in to the father's fantasy about being young and attractive enough for a kid like that -- wonder what the neighborhood boys had to go through?). We think the incest jokes are funny. But what if you literally had to run away from your father at such a young age and make your living as best you could, swiping bagels at coffeehouses and posing as the waitress' child? Stop laughing at this poor creature. Just because she talks better than you do...probably a survival trait. Must get along as an adult in a world that is more childish than she is. And Daddy with those paranoid fantasies about having created her. Get away from the chemistry set and realize: This is a natural biological reaction1 And wifey had as much to do with it as you did! (That was sure no Whatshisface and Steptoe setup you had going -- what'd you do, clone the cat first for practice? Is that where she got that leonine mane? Oh well, help her get along on the street if nothing else...)

Sigh. And the adult world is going along with these fantasies. It's just not fair. Look at this poor kid. Probably tried to tell the teachers and was laughed at. They knew she was the weird one. The smart one. The one who was "liable to tell stories." Yeah. Daddy probably made a special stopover at the principal's office before he went on to work that morning. Talking about the "psychotic break episode" she'd had the night before...don't believe anything she says...the doctors have already been called...we've just got her here this morning so she thinks she's all right....and keep her away from those boys, willya? She hangs out with them too much.

Will the kid ever remember what happened? Or will she continue to believe these stories she feeds herself about having a normal family and a normal life and just having run away for fun....no child runs away for fun, guys.

What was Daddy's idea of fun like? That's the first question you ask.


Ta dah! I realize I utilized only a fraction of the resources recommended to poor Sourpuss, but it's enough to get an idea. Most of that stuff is obvious once you get into the text, anyway.

Go get'em, girl!