Okay, Dick.

Huh? How do you explain Dick Button?

I can't anymore. I've tried. Good guy, but he's got to learn how to judge skating.

Let me see if I can put together the Viewers' Guide to Dick Button.

(Standard US commentator -- a name long associated with the sport.)

Okay. We all know Dick had all these World Championships. Very good skater. And he really is trying his best. I really think he is. He always will. That's Dick.

Dick watches the edges even more than I do. I swear. Almost to the exclusion of what else is going on.

Dick knows the "edges uber alles" mantra. Cold. God. How do I explain this?

He has forgotten the rest of the skater.

There was a day when the top 10 skaters arrived at Worlds perfectly prepared. You judged it on very small things and nitpicked like hell. You had to. That's all there was. Now -- there's more. Skaters are trained differently. We have had The Peggy Fleming Revolution. Those days are gone.

Dick, they expect these kids to be "artistic." Now. Develop the lines that used to come after years and years of yelling about technique. Now they hint a couple of times. These kids literally had to develop a different style of skating. Old-style skating did not survive the '60s. It's different now. All we can do is take the lessons of the past and help the skaters in the present.

It's gone, Dick. All we can do is mourn.

It's gone. Skating is being televised in color. The guys don't wear tuxes anymore. And the girls' dresses are up to here. Horrible, isn't it?

It's over.

All we can do is rebuild.

What we have is kids who grew up in the visual culture of the Sixties. Dick, to them, that's what the world looks like. Not even the Soviets are trying to isolate them anymore.

Go look at MTV. That is their world. Look at VH-1.

Hell, your assignment is all episodes of "South Park." Up to the present. Go.

That'll catch you up.

Be current with all episodes of "South Park." And remember: Left. Right. Inner. Outer. Front. Back. Edges never die.

You just have to adapt them to a new generation.

Look at London. The Peggy Fleming Revolution was the equivalent of the Blitz. Those buildings are gone.

Gone. Gone. Gone.

But we've got a whole bunch of good architects and designs. That can be built in harmony with the old. They haven't quit visiting Westminster Abbey, but they're also checking out Canary Wharf Tower too. You learn from the past and build in the present.

The rewind button don't go back that far, Dick. They're broadcasting in color now. I know. It hurts. Especially that pink. But....

Please, Dick, can't you give these kids a chance?